"My foot is slipping," your unfailing love, LORD, supported me

We are back!! No we didn't go anywhere we have been here all along. Sometimes during the midst of the silence God is working through something. No this isn't an announcement blog either. We do not have our baby yet. The Lord has been working on us these past few months and I can see he is working on you. Many of you are becoming impatient waiting on this baby to arrive. When I tell you that my wait hasn't seemed long and it just feels like yesterday that we walked out of our adoption agency as a waiting family, I immediately hear well it is just taking too long and that you are ready for this baby to come. Don't get me wrong I am getting there but I believe that God is keeping me sane and preparing me for that perfect date.

This past year has been a good one for me. We have had our book looked at numerous times. People are wanting to know more about the Aguirre's and that is super exciting. The part that isn't so great is that not one family have chosen us. That stinks and it hurts sometimes to feel unwanted and you begin to wonder do I need to change? And when the rejection hits 1, 5, 12, or 20 times you start thinking maybe this isn't the path the Lord has for us. But I can share that each and every time our book was looked at, I had 100% peace in that the baby wasn't mine. This child was someone else's blessing and my time would come. I even surprised myself because I really do want a baby, but my faith has kept me through it all. People around me were getting pregnant or adopting babies, I was attending shower after shower and I could say that I was truly celebrating with these friends. I have really grown up and it even amazes me! Thank you Lord for this strength, this sincerity, and for friends who still want me to be apart of their life during this time.

Well two months ago I was not the person described above. I hit rock bottom on this roller coaster ride called adoption. The adoption agency called which they never do by the way so I thought Oh My this is the call. Well it wasn't the call, they called to say that another family wanted to look at our book and that they had a problem. They had all of our books out. We purchased four books for them and when they are out that means a birthmom or a Bethany agency has them. So our four books were all over the US being looked at and here was another mom who wanted our book. They asked if we could buy another one well luckily we had another copy at our home. So we were able to drop that book off and we went ahead and purchased 3 more books. So Bethany now has 8 of our books that are being shown to families. Well the family with our 5th book was described to us as the PERFECT Family. Well that is what they said to me over the phone. Due to confidentiality I am not able to share details, but this was a perfect family for us. So for a week I sat patiently on the outside but impatiently on the inside waiting for an update. Of course during that time I was given for free the last two items for my nursery so again I thought this is the perfect child. So we waited and waited.. The agency called and we were the last two families and again super calm and cool on the outside but on the inside super excited, hopeful, giddy, I am going to be mom soon... I want my baby shower here, Lets go ahead and register....crazy. Yes that is what happens when you are OCD, a planner, and ready for a baby.  Oh yeah this mom was having twins I can share that. So yes we were going to have twins and this was a dream come true for both Jesse and I. So we waited and waited and we finally received word that the mom chose the other family. Well lets just say for the rest of that day I lost it. I asked people at work to give me a grace day and I spent the rest of the day in the Word and in Prayer. God didn't speak to me right away, I truly believe that he just held me in his arms and let me cry. He didn't let go, he held on tight and let me mourn. A few days later, God spoke to me. He reminded me that this adoption journey was His journey and not mine. He began us on this journey to tell our story to help encourage, love, and comfort those that deal with cancer or infertility. He reminded me of the opportunities just last year to share our story on TV and in the newspaper. Also the opportunities at our yard sale to share our faith and story with hundreds of people. He said your adoption book is still being looked at and needs to be shared with more families. See in our book we have the plan of salvation. Our letter to our birth mom says if you do not choose us please choose Jesus. If you do not have a relationship with Him this is all you need to do. So God said wait for me, be strong and take heart and wait for me. So here I am waiting.. standing strong... staying encouraged... staying in prayer.. staying in His Word. 

As Jesse and I talked this morning about the journey he said you know what you just said sounds like the Prayer of Serenity. Please read this prayer and if you haven't truly surrendered something over to the Lord do it today. Do not delay!  Love each of you and thank you for your prayers.