How does a baby shower make someone infertile feel? Well to be honest I have had some good and some bad experiences. It seems like I am in the stage of my life where everyone is having babies. The conversation comes up once a week from those that are trying to conceive, those that are pregnant, or maybe it is parenting advice from a more seasoned parent. In the past, if you were to tell me you're pregnant or talk to a group of people about breast feeding it would kill me inside. You probably would not have known it from my reaction or my face or even my body language. I was really good at hiding all of my feelings in front of you. But Jesse can share that later it would hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept saying why not us? this isn't fair.. That person said they didn't really want to be pregnant but I guess they will give it a try.. Why can we not say these things? I never wanted to tell you that it hurt my feelings.
Well I can honestly say that I have grown up these past few months. God has given me different eyes. I know you are saying what???? Well I see things totally different. Today I went to a baby shower and the usual conversations occurred. Well when I was in labor.... we chose to not breast feed because.... when my first child was born I felt this way but my second one made me feel this way... Typical conversations that I usually could not relate too, but I was 100% invested this time. Before I would have been filled with anger and jealousy, but today I was hopeful and trusting. So yes my eyes have changed. Today I learned that you can make your own Baby Wipes. I know isn't that crazy?? I also learned tips on cloth diapers, making your own food, and potty training techniques. Today was more of a parenting workshop and I have pages and pages of notes. Seriously!!
Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god. Worries, if indulged, developed into idols. Anxiety gains a life of its own, parasitically infesting your mind. Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My Presence. What goes on in your mind is invisible, undetectable to other people. But I read your thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in Me. I rejoice when your mind turns toward Me. Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep you close to Me. -Jesus Calling
This was my devotional yesterday and over these last several months God has opened my eyes to several things. I have been reminded to fully surrender my anger, jealousy, pain, and whatever I am struggling with over to God. There is no way that I could go through this adoption journey by being angry and jealous at those they may have the life I thought I would have. God has another plan for their life and for mine. He has a wonderful plan that he has already mapped out and soon it will all unfold. I can only imagine what these plans will look like in front of these new and improved God fearing Eyes...
- Open my eyes, that I may seeGlimpses of truth Thou hast for me;Place in my hands the wonderful keyThat shall unclasp and set me free.
- Refrain 1:Silently now I wait for Thee,Ready my God, Thy will to see,Open my eyes, illumine me,Spirit divine!
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