Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week. I had begun writing this blog and planned to submit it last week. But to be honest, I became worried that others would think bad of me when reading my thoughts and pain of being infertile. It is truly a huge challenge more than many will ever understand. Well here is one story I will share... About 9 months ago, I thought a miracle had occurred. I was having morning sickness, I was having these strange cravings, and I was very late. Could it be? Could there be a baby growing inside of me? These thoughts began taking over my world. I was so excited! I have even decided that if I were pregnant that I would announce it to Jesse and our friends in the most creative way ever. I had to come up with a creative way to share the good news of this miracle, right?? I didn't tell anyone that I thought I was pregnant, not even Jesse. I wanted to wait until the time was right and then get a pregnancy test to prove this miracle had come true.
Do you struggle with infertility? if so, get help! God does not want you to go through these things alone. There are people out there who can help. Call me if you need someone to talk too, I am here for you. Now I know what you are thinking after reading my struggle above you may not want help from me. But let's be honest here... we are not perfect, we all hurt, we all suffer, and we all need each other. I decided 9 months ago that I was going to go through this alone and I spun out of control. I'm thankful that I serve an awesome and mighty God that has everything in control. God seemed million miles away, but He was by my side all along. I truly believe there is a miracle coming, because God is able and has the power to prevail. This miracle may not be the way I saw it, but I have redirected my faith and thoughts and placed it in the hands of the Lord. All things are possible with God. Matthew 17: 20-21 says 20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
I am in the season of infertility again. I am waiting for God's timing. I have learned that trust is a hard thing, and there is a fine balance between trust and still grieving the hurt at the same time, as I grieve every month. I am learning that even in waiting there is a sting.. a hurt that only my Holy Father can understand and only He can allow to be soothed. Balance..It's a hard walk. Jeremiah 29:11 He has plans for us. That's my promise I cling to.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Jennifer, thank you for reminding me of God's promise.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you remember me or not, I've played bunco with you several times (I was on Linzett's team before moving to Johnson City a few months ago). My husband and I also battled infertility-although our circumstances are not the same, the pain of infertility is. We have a son, now 7 years old, via domestic adoption. He is the most amazing little boy in the whole world :-) I wish I would've gotten to know you better when we lived in Mboro. I always found it so much more therapeutic to talk with people who have/are actually walking in the same shoes--simply because some people who doesn't know IF personally can say 'well meaning' things that can stab to the deepest part of your soul. I've read through your blog and have sat here & cried-I know the deepest part of it all-the hope when your cycle is late, the sting of church on Mother's day, not understanding why and the fear that can be so overwhelming you can barely breath. I can say today that I am thankful for my infertility because if any of our treatments had worked, we would not have our AJ and I simply can't fathom a life without him. I think I may always miss not being able to feel life growing inside me, and sometimes I even shed a tear or two but I do know that God is and has always been in control of it all and I may never know the reason this side of Heaven of why I was barren, but I do know that what the devil meant to destroy me with, my God turned it around for my good. I'm praying for y'all and I can't wait for your miracle to arrive.
ReplyDeleteWell your comment came right in the nick of time. Just exactly when I needed it. Isn't it amazing how God's timing is always perfect. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Know that God may not have introduced our stories at that time because today is when we need one another. Feel free to contact me if you need a friend's ear, shoulder to cry on, or prayer warrior.
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