having "Cold Feet" in sharing my part of this story....

 

Now Jesse was bold to share about how he felt during this moment in our lives, so here goes. 
About six years ago, I sat at the hospital with my fiancée and we began to hear about how our dreams were being shattered.  How there was a chance that he may not live to see another day and there was no chance of ever having kids.  He was diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer.  They had to take him in immediately for surgery and chemotherapy. There was a chance that he would not make it and there was a chance that even if they got it all, it could come back. Ironically, we had only just come into the hospital for back pain.   

During this time, my faith was shattered. The fear swarmed my body and it took over my life.  I was angry at God for not being able to have kids.  I kept questioning, why us?  We are called to be parents.  We met each other while working with inner city kids, and we were their parents and it was so hard for both of us to sit back and realize that we would not be able to have kids together.

Day in and day out I would just sit and sulk in the worriedness of this disease.  My fiancée would come in every day, and do his chemo, and his faith was not shattered.  He always had a smile on his face, and he knew that God was going to relieve him from this.  The nurses knew who he was when he walked in the door because he always came in with a message of hope and life, and they listened to him.

After surgeries he would have to stay in a hospital room for days, and I could never leave his side.  There were nights that I slept on the floor so I could be near him.  I always wanted to be around him because he was so strong.  He would even minister to the chaplain.  The chaplain would leave our room in tears because he was blessed by the message that my fiancée was able to share with him.  The verse that he would share to everyone was Phil 4:13.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  This verse impacted everyone who walked through the door…everyone but me.  I was so angry with God that I chose not to listen to the verse.  I allowed the fear and doubt to consume my life.  I think having that bitterness towards God about not being able to have kids really took a toll on me.  I just really could not understand why.

"Dragging my feet" to write this blog..

Walking in faith by the means of mediocrity. My walk with God has been an interesting one to say the least. I have always been a Christian as long as I can remember; however, how deep was my walk with Jesus was up for questioning.  During my 3rd year of college I received a wake up call. I started having back pain and went to the hospital to find out that it was stage 3 Testicular Cancer.  Wow to say the least I was not expecting to hear those words... Cancer. 

Krista and I had just recently gotten engaged and here we were in the hospital now facing a possibility of not being able to have children of our own and even my mortality. With all this God still had His plans all set for us. The doctors informed us that the cancer had progressed into the my abdominal and neck region and spreading upward towards my brain. My life was coming undone.... now you can see why I am dragging my feet to write this blog.  This is a very difficult time of my life to have to rehash.  Tune in next week to get the rest of the story.

James 5:11- ¹¹ Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

going "Feet First" into this Blog!

Welcome to our Blog.  Jesse and I have a lot of things we would like to share with people, but we didn't really know how to share them.  So we decided we would begin a blog.  Our Pastor is always telling us the importance of telling our story.  We are ready to begin that journey with you as we reveal the story of our past and who we have become.  We are also ready to share with you our experiences as we share our faith with those we meet.  This blog is inspired by the verse in Romans 10:14-15 that tells us that "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!  The Lord is calling us to bring the good news to the world and this is how we will begin our journey.....